Strange : Loving Jacqui

Bear Rub

This reminded me of someone.

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Totally

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Christmas Season Snow

Since I didn’t see any snow in Victoria, Canada this year (unlike last year), let’s go today to…

… Baghdad.

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Not Sure What to Make of This

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Bear on WLM Webcam

So why do I like her?

Jacqui with painted face, by kids

Maybe it’s because children do and they see a side in her that speaks to me.

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Arthurian Legend? Sign from God? Lost in the Woods? Or All 3 (UPDATED x 2)

I have no explanation for this and maybe there isn’t any.

Today I started applying for outside sales positions via email. I contacted a placement agency and the lady wrote back to, among other things, ask me to send my resumé to her in Microsoft .doc format — not Adobe .pdf and plain webpage (HTML) as I conveniently have it on my site.

Now, yes, .pdf is the business document sharing standard because anyone can download the free Adobe Reader and Microsoft .doc isn’t because it requires software worth hundreds of dollars per machine.

And that’s assuming everyone loves Microsoft, which, scandalously they don’t.

Anyway, I’ve got to meet the needs of my client so I helpfully use my free, beloved, and awesome OpenOffice.org software (did I mention it’s FREE?!) to create a copy in Microsoft .doc. Yet I know from experience it won’t necessarily format perfectly on her machine so I attach a .pdf explaining this one will print correctly.

So then I go for a walk. A longish walk by Beacon Hill Park along the ocean on the rocks and it’s a beautiful day. I head away from the ocean into the forest.

I decide to follow some of the paths because there’s no way I can get lost.

Yet I did.

Going back and forth along little paths that seem to lead nowhere I can’t find my way out. At first, it’s fun and no big deal, my main concern being mosquitoes. Then it’s surprising I can’t find my way out, then a bit more… and there it is.

A copy of Microsoft Office 97. In the woods.

What the heck?

It had a price sticker of $99.95 on the the case so someone must have bought it used. I assume it belonged to someone, but I have no way of knowing who. Anyone missing a copy of Office? Lemme know. I got it.

I didn’t make much of it at first except to consider it strange.

Yet the more I thought about it, the more I wondered, “Gee. Am I meant to get a profitable sales position from someone who uses Microsoft Word and here’s the tool to create it?”

I have no idea, but I reformatted my resumé and fired this email off to the placement agency:

Subject: Sales Pro Resume, New Version

Hi ________,

I was just out for a walk by the ocean and then through the forest where I found a copy of Microsoft Office.

That has got to be a sign.

Especially since earlier today you said:
“…please,forward your resume to us using Word doc. Format.”

And I said:
“It was created using OpenOffice.org so may not format exactly.”

So I redid my resume from scratch in Word (sans cover letter) and everything should format nicely. I’m qualified for a sales or similar position, particularly one that involves self-motivation, organization, and consultatively finding solutions to business problems.

Let me know if there’s some way I can help.

Best regards,

Christoph

- - -
http://ChristophDollis.com - the place to come for more appointments, more people in the door, and more sales!(sm)

Two days ago I was at my mom’s talking about how some of the deep and impactful experiences she had in her life were NOT psychic phenomena and there’s a rational explanation for everything. I explained my idea that the brain remembers times when we are right about a hunch and forgets or minimizes times we’re wrong.

But gee. I owe her an apology or maybe someone can explain to me the coincidence of being lost in the woods where I find ~~Arthur’s sword~~ Microsoft Office on the one day in the last three and a half years where someone insisted on getting a Microsoft Word Document.

[Cross posted at ChristophDollis.com]

Filed under: Business, God, Strange

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The World’s Greatest Spy

No, not the genius superagents who are alleged to have poisioned Alexander Litvinenko, outspoken critic of Russian President Vladimir Putin, using tens of millions of dollars of radioactive isotope polonium-210 that left a trail from one end of Europe to the other.

Because, if you want to assassinate someone you should:

spend $50-100 million just on the weapon because bullets are just so passé
choose a weapon that can be easily tracked over buildings, cities, and oceans… even to specific apartments and couches in Germany for ______ sakes
select something that’s dangerous for you too because, well, who doesn’t like a bit of radiation poisoning?

No, if that was truly an assassination attempt, and I have my doubts (I believe it could have been nuclear material smuggling gone wrong and that Litvinenko could have been one of the smugglers and killed himself by accident), these agents are far too smart for a mere commoner like myself to comprehend.

The greatest spy ever is undoubtedly former WestJet vice-president Mark Hill.

WestJet is Canada’s second largest airline and Mark Hill decided to run a corporate spying operation on our largest, Air Canada.

Essentially, he used a confidential Air Canada employee password to snoop around their website and steal flight schedules and private data so he could plan WestJet’s routes to maximize their profits and hurt Air Canada.

This wasn’t the most brilliant part, however. That came later when he boarded an Air Canada jet wearing a WestJet denim shirt and a leather jacket with a large WestJet logo on the back.

He sat down beside this nice man who said he works in, “…international corporate intelligence,” and who introduced himself as an ex-CSIS agent (CSIS is the Canadian Security Intelligence Service — our spies responsible for foreign intelligence gathering).

This “ex-CSIS agent” (really a former Royal Canadian Mounted Police staff sergeant and private detective for Air Canada) was reading a book, “The Art of Deception,” by Kevin Mitnick. He easily struck up a conversation because apparently Mark Hill was very cocky and was making fun of Air Canada while sitting on their airplane wearing a WestJet logo and he liked to talk.

The private eye proceded to watch him pull out sheets of paper from a manila envelope and enter confidential Air Canada data into his laptop.

So let me get this straight. You’re running a spying operation yourself, you’re sitting on your target’s property making fun of them while wearing your company’s colours, a man who introduces himself as an ex-spy who currently works in corporate espionage sits down beside you reading a book about about deception and you decide to open up to him and let him watch you enter private Air Canada data into your computer… on an Air Canada plane?

And for that, Mark Hill, I dub you the world’s greatest spy.

[Source: The Gumshoe and his target at 30,000 feet by Brent Jang]

UPDATE: From the University of Victoria Alumni 2003 Legacy Awards page:

WestJet Airlines vice-president and co-founder Mark Hill, BA ‘85, accepts his Distinguished Alumni Award. Mark says his studies of military history and strategy at UVic helped him to develop WestJet’s highly successful business plan.

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Get Well Soon, James*

I don’t have a lot to say right now except my prayers and thoughts are with you, your brother, and all of your family during this time. I will be thinking about you every day.

* James is Jacqui’s younger brother.

UPDATE: Glad it’s not as serious as originally feared. Recover fast!

Filed under: Bear, Family, Health, Strange

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Okay, Is She a Girl or What?

Jacqui on web cam with cell phone and landline too

Jacqui on web cam with cordless phone and landline too

UPDATE 3:10 AM: Jacqui’s asking me why I say she’s a dork.

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Faith Hill

Class.

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I Think Jackie Likes Me

Gee, why does this always happen?

It began the usual way: I pointed out how wrong she was.

So I sent off a complaint to one of Canada’s largest and most successful retailers, a division of a larger and even more well known Canadian retailer, who shall remain nameless at this point, they responded essentially with, “Golly gee, you’re right, we’ll improve our training and implementation; thanks for bringing this to our attention!” and later that day with, “No, you’re wrong on a technicality because that’s another of our companies,” and later after I eviscerated their point with a funny and cordial email full of facts from their own investor relations department, they came back essentially with, “Hey, no really, you’re right!”

So they want from, “You’re right,” to, “You’re wrong,” and back to, “You’re right!”

Which, as far as I’m concerned, is how these things should end.

So they’ll change their policy across all their business units, I predict, and honour their public commitments (time will tell – I hope I don’t have to launch a great media and blogging campaign right now… you know, domain names are just so darn cheap). And they gave me the umbrella for free.

This is cool.

But then I got this email from the client services specialist I was working with for the last couple days:

Date: September 22, 2006
Subject: Re: In the Sake of Complete Accuracy…

Good Morning Chris:

Well, now you know your ‘representative’ here at [her company] can be a bit cheeky! Sorry, but couldn’t resist it …..I could tell from the content of your emails that you probably have a very sharp sense of humour and would take my quip as it was intended (teasing).

I shall be discussing ‘the’ issue with my superiors today though because I believe that all of our stores across Canada should have a ‘refresher’ on the policy and how to follow it properly for our customers.

You’ve started something Chris and now I’m going to keep you posted!

Thank you and have a great weekend!
Regards
Jackie
(last name and title withheld for privacy… can provide proof in the form of original email to assorted girlfriends upon request!)

Next thing she’s going to tell me that I’m 6′2″ tall and stunningly attractive… of couse, she’s right about half of that.

Really, what is it about women named Jaci?

Editor’s note: Watch for post “I Think Jackie Likes Me Part 2″

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I Think Jackie Likes Me Part 2: "Now the Reality"

Editor’s note: This post was actually published on Sunday September 24th, but I adjusted the date to September 21st to “bump” it behind the first part.

The reality is the company involved is an excellent one, very successful, and they broke no law… merely failed to implement one of their own policies designed to be industry leaders in price fairness to consumers.

I since determined it’s also likely that by the letter of their policy they were correct and I was wrong… alas, since they didn’t have any of the signs up they were supposed to have and their retail management team hadn’t yet been trained on it, they mishandled it to the point where I received a free umbrella. My fourth umbrella from the same company (the other three I paid for) because, yes, I lose them.

Hey, I’m not perfect.

I posted the previous post (above) to tease my silly – yet oh-so-amazing in depth, humour, passion, and love – girlfriend, Jacqui.

The reality is that Jackie was replying to a “tongue-in-cheek” email I sent her using a truly bad pun… and so what she said made total sense. Both in her initial response time, the dilligence she showed in tracking down answers from her management team when presented with new information (which demonstrates her intelligence), and in her warm communication she is a top-notch customer service agent.

I say this from experience both as a customer and in the sales and customer service business.

The other reality is that Jackie doesn’t “like” me… lol… in that sense.

Truthfully, I couldn’t even get Jacqui to be jealous at her faux competition: She read the email and said, “I like her.” I guess her real personality really does shine through her writing.

No matter what the company in question does, I won’t entertain myself with games like registering a domain name… ’twas in jest. The fact is as you’ll see by reading the right hand column →
I have far better things to do with the next three months.

Yes, I said I’d recommend that two different agencies review the situation (i.e. I’d write a letter) and will if the company doesn’t enhance their signage and training in this area across the country in each of their retail units… but my distinct impression is that once the shortcoming was pointed out to them, they are more interested in fixing it than I am.

So all is well that ends well… the company has an opportunity to make good on its initial commitment for the reasons which caused them to embrace it in the first place… I got to be totally ~~cheap~~ thrifty (I like this)… to tease my love(r)… and a cheeky customer service agent to boot.

The cheeky customer service agent can hardly complain when she emailed me to tell me how cheeky she is and that she likes teasing.

What’s not to love about that?

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Well, I Didn’t Expect to Change My Name Today… but a Funny Thing Happened

You know, I work for the provincial government of British Columbia (granted, through a an experienced private company, a subsidiary of Maximus with a successful record of cutting through the bureaucracy to get things done more effeciently for taxpayers) so I shouldn’t be surprised when things get mixed up.

I should laugh.

I Never Thought It Would Happen to Me — Until It Did

One thing that happens at my job regularly (like today) is [redacted on Oct. 17, ‘06 at the request of my employer]

So I Misplaced My Drivers Licence and…

I’m sure you can see where this is going! [update: maybe not]

I’ve been known formerly as “Christoper Willis Dollis” all my life particularly by irate elementary school teachers. I’ve usually gone by Chris, but my birth certificate, last issued in 1999 says, “Christoph Willis Dollis”.

The lady at the counter tells me that especially after September 11, they only use the birth certificate and, lo and behold, as far as the provincial government is concerned, this is my legal name. Since she told me this about six times, I believed her.

Then I called the government of Manitoba (where I was born) and asked them if this could be a shortening of Christopher and she points out that Christopher is neither a long nor uncommon first name and that if my birth certificate says my name is Christoph then my name is Christoph. I think I’ve heard this someplace before.

Well, I want to get a passport so I can apply for an Electronic Travel Authority to visit Australia and my passport has to match my birth certificate. Ergo I became Christoph. Or actually, as various government agents, federal and provincial informed me today, I’ve always been Christoph.

This seemed a bit of a bummer of a proposition, but as someone at my work said:

“Christoph. It kind of has that ‘evil dictator’ ring to it.”

Hey, that’s pretty cool*!

I’ve only had a few people use Christopher, generally my mom, a couple truly emotional ex girlfriends, my emotional current girlfriend, and that’s about it.

I like Christopher because it flows better than Chris, particular when followed by “Dollis”. But it’s just too damn long. And working on the phone as I do you get, “Chris Stollis” a lot. “Well, Mr. Stollis…” Ugh. My last name is Dollis after the famed Dollis Hill estate.

Dollis Hill had a bit of truly momentous, if secret, history. We’d be speaking German or studying darn hard if it hadn’t been for the Collossus code-breaking computer built there and later used at Bletchley Park. Now, due in part to their brilliant work, we can instead enjoy shooting the breeze and sharing trance hits with our German brethren. The real shooting has stopped, victory ensued, and pop culture was never the same again. Seriously, Nazi pop culture sounded damn lame.

“What, you’re Jewish? Oh dear. We can’t hang out. Hey, anyone know when that train is leaving?”

Ouch… that was really dark humour. Forgive me each and every group whom I’ve offended; I love you all.

But Christoph… Christoph Dollis. I like it.

I mean, it’s not a big deal… half my bank/credit cards say Chris or Christopher, so let’s split the difference and go with my actual legal name. That will keep the passport people happy, the drivers licence people happy, etc. My mom is choked, but it came down to, “Who ya gonna believe, your mom or the government of Manitoba?”

Mom, my love for you is stronger than onions, but your suggestion to call up the government of Manitoba and tell them that their records from 34 years ago are wrong strikes me as a great way not to get a passport and to be told that… yes, I must legally change my name… to Christopher.

Stop the Insanity!

(not the wacky Susan Powter diet book urging people to eat the diet we use to fatten up cattle, nor the best $3.95 ebook in the whole world, TBK Fitness, revealing the “plain as the nose on your face” truth about how to be healthy, just a name, sweetheart)

Since my dad named me after a pirate in an Errol Flynn movie named Christopher and nicknamed Kit, but my dad calls me George, well, to keep things clear, it’s Christoph.

Christoph Dollis. I’m liking the sound of it! My own name… (rubbing chest with my knuckles). My Leo side is coming out.

So today, while telling everyone exactly what I was doing and why, I updated my BC health insurance card, drivers license, Canada social insurance card, one of my two credit union accounts, and one of my credit cards, with more to follow tomorrow. They all agreed… “Your name is what’s on your birth certificate.”

I’ve even registered a new domain name for my sales and marketing business that I will start… and the name is… you’ll never guess… gee, you guessed.

christophdollis.com

I’ll be putting that site online at last once it propogates throughout the internet, changing my email addresses, and making other changes quite rapidly over the next few days.

* Not really cool. I oppose evil dictators everywhere and I strongly support freedom as “Chris from Victoria, BC and “Chris Dollis”, my former time-wasting politics blog-going self made plain. Times they’s a changin’.

Filed under: Christoph, Strange

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You Can’t Trust Bears

I just realized something… just when you think you understand a bear and know the limits of their behaviour, they will do something that throws you for a loop. Sometimes they can be thieves.

While everyone knows that a bear will try to steal your fish, who knew they’d try to steal your boat?

Filed under: Bear, News, Strange

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My Gorgeous Nieces and One of the Best Friends of My Whole Life… My Sister

I dropped by my sis, Ginny (a.k.a. Phoenix)’s, home tonight.

My sister gave birth recently to a gorgeous little lady, Angel-Jazdell. That’s her in the centre. And on the right is my sweet and lovely niece, Xyrah-Star.

To watch the video, make sure your speakers are not too loud – there is a baby after all! – and push the play button now:

Filed under: Family, Strange, Videos by Loving Jacqui

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Bear Rub

Totally

Christmas Season Snow

Not Sure What to Make of This

Bear on WLM Webcam

Arthurian Legend? Sign from God? Lost in the Woods? Or All 3 (UPDATED x 2)

The World’s Greatest Spy

Get Well Soon, James*

Okay, Is She a Girl or What?

Faith Hill

I Think Jackie Likes Me

I Think Jackie Likes Me Part 2: "Now the Reality"

Well, I Didn’t Expect to Change My Name Today… but a Funny Thing Happened

You Can’t Trust Bears

My Gorgeous Nieces and One of the Best Friends of My Whole Life… My Sister

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Who Adores Jacqui So Much He Mocks Her in Public?

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