You know, I work for the provincial government of British Columbia (granted, through a an experienced private company, a subsidiary of Maximus with a successful record of cutting through the bureaucracy to get things done more effeciently for taxpayers) so I shouldn’t be surprised when things get mixed up.

I should laugh.

I Never Thought It Would Happen to Me — Until It Did

One thing that happens at my job regularly (like today) is [redacted on Oct. 17, ‘06 at the request of my employer]

So I Misplaced My Drivers Licence and…

I’m sure you can see where this is going! [update: maybe not]

I’ve been known formerly as “Christoper Willis Dollis” all my life particularly by irate elementary school teachers. I’ve usually gone by Chris, but my birth certificate, last issued in 1999 says, “Christoph Willis Dollis”.

The lady at the counter tells me that especially after September 11, they only use the birth certificate and, lo and behold, as far as the provincial government is concerned, this is my legal name. Since she told me this about six times, I believed her.

Then I called the government of Manitoba (where I was born) and asked them if this could be a shortening of Christopher and she points out that Christopher is neither a long nor uncommon first name and that if my birth certificate says my name is Christoph then my name is Christoph. I think I’ve heard this someplace before.

Well, I want to get a passport so I can apply for an Electronic Travel Authority to visit Australia and my passport has to match my birth certificate. Ergo I became Christoph. Or actually, as various government agents, federal and provincial informed me today, I’ve always been Christoph.

This seemed a bit of a bummer of a proposition, but as someone at my work said:

“Christoph. It kind of has that ‘evil dictator’ ring to it.”

Hey, that’s pretty cool*!

I’ve only had a few people use Christopher, generally my mom, a couple truly emotional ex girlfriends, my emotional current girlfriend, and that’s about it.

I like Christopher because it flows better than Chris, particular when followed by “Dollis”. But it’s just too damn long. And working on the phone as I do you get, “Chris Stollis” a lot. “Well, Mr. Stollis…” Ugh. My last name is Dollis after the famed Dollis Hill estate.

Dollis Hill had a bit of truly momentous, if secret, history. We’d be speaking German or studying darn hard if it hadn’t been for the Collossus code-breaking computer built there and later used at Bletchley Park. Now, due in part to their brilliant work, we can instead enjoy shooting the breeze and sharing trance hits with our German brethren. The real shooting has stopped, victory ensued, and pop culture was never the same again. Seriously, Nazi pop culture sounded damn lame.

“What, you’re Jewish? Oh dear. We can’t hang out. Hey, anyone know when that train is leaving?”

Ouch… that was really dark humour. Forgive me each and every group whom I’ve offended; I love you all.

But Christoph… Christoph Dollis. I like it.

I mean, it’s not a big deal… half my bank/credit cards say Chris or Christopher, so let’s split the difference and go with my actual legal name. That will keep the passport people happy, the drivers licence people happy, etc. My mom is choked, but it came down to, “Who ya gonna believe, your mom or the government of Manitoba?”

Mom, my love for you is stronger than onions, but your suggestion to call up the government of Manitoba and tell them that their records from 34 years ago are wrong strikes me as a great way not to get a passport and to be told that… yes, I must legally change my name… to Christopher.

Stop the Insanity!

(not the wacky Susan Powter diet book urging people to eat the diet we use to fatten up cattle, nor the best $3.95 ebook in the whole world, TBK Fitness, revealing the “plain as the nose on your face” truth about how to be healthy, just a name, sweetheart)

Since my dad named me after a pirate in an Errol Flynn movie named Christopher and nicknamed Kit, but my dad calls me George, well, to keep things clear, it’s Christoph.

Christoph Dollis. I’m liking the sound of it! My own name… (rubbing chest with my knuckles). My Leo side is coming out.

So today, while telling everyone exactly what I was doing and why, I updated my BC health insurance card, drivers license, Canada social insurance card, one of my two credit union accounts, and one of my credit cards, with more to follow tomorrow. They all agreed… “Your name is what’s on your birth certificate.”

I’ve even registered a new domain name for my sales and marketing business that I will start… and the name is… you’ll never guess… gee, you guessed.

christophdollis.com

I’ll be putting that site online at last once it propogates throughout the internet, changing my email addresses, and making other changes quite rapidly over the next few days.

* Not really cool. I oppose evil dictators everywhere and I strongly support freedom as “Chris from Victoria, BC and “Chris Dollis”, my former time-wasting politics blog-going self made plain. Times they’s a changin’.